Day 23

It's over three weeks I've been here, and finally I've learnt something. Well, two things. First - just because someone's in a wheelchair doesn't mean they can't look after themselves, especially when they're startled, and second - going up behind someone you've never met and saying "Hey Babs" is a great way to startle them. She put me on the floor before I knew it. And she didn't even have the staff in her hand before I opened my mouth. That'll teach me to fuck with a redhead.

And then I was star-struck. This was Barbara Gordon I'm looking at. Oracle. One time Batgirl, until the Joker put a bullet in her spine. Adopted daughter of Police Commissioner James Gordon. I've read about this chick. And now I was looking at her, for real. Not artwork, but alive. Living and breathing right in front of me. And one of the first things I realised is that the comics never did her justice. She's hot. She's got that look, like the sort of chick who wears glasses just so's she can take them off and shake her hair down. Bad bad stereotype I know, but trust me, she could do it.

There was fire in her eyes, she was angry. And I didn't blame her. The anger was soon followed by a flicker of recognition. And that scared me more than the anger. "You're Eliza," she said. I guess I must've been staring at her blankly in response to that, cause then she looked more closely. "No. You're Faith." Shit. My first reaction was disbelief. You know, how the fuck did she know that. Then it hit me. Just cause I'm a High School dropout doesn't mean I lack intuition. She knew who I am for exactly the same reason I know who she is.

"You read about me too?" I asked.

"Read? Hell no, you're a TV sensation," she replied, disturbingly. "Now, do you care to explain how you came to be here, following me back into my apartment." She pinned my chest down with the staff. I could have snapped it with a flick of my arm, but I didn't.

Instead I prompted her to work it out. "I had to find someone I knew," I said. She was quick, I knew that before I met her. But it was still impressive to see her mind in action. "I ended up in your world the day the blew the bridges. Isn't 'Black Monday' people are calling it?"

She knew what I mean by her world straight away. "I've watched you on TV," she said. "How do you know about me?"

I winced. "Comics." Her reaction wasn't what I expected. She grinned. In the three weeks I been stuck here that's the first genuine grin I've seen. It looked like it was the first time she'd grinned in three weeks too. "They centre around, you know, him." And then the grin fades.

"No one's heard from him since the Senate ruling," she replied sadly. "I think it broke him. I don't know if he's coming back or not."

"He went to Washington to argue Gotham's case, didn't he?" I asked.

For a split-second, she was shocked. But only a split-second. Like I said, she was damn quick. "Of course, you're bound to know his identity." Then her eyes narrowed. "From what I know of you, you're a badass. I don't know you. But you know all about me, all about him, all about all of us."

"You want to know if you can trust me?" I countered, quite defensively, I gotta admit.

"I don't have any choice but to give you the benefit of the doubt. But if he comes back, and you're not up to it, he'll find a way to deal with you." At that point I started to get nervous. Who am I kidding, I was shitting myself. "That's not a threat, and if what you've read about us is anywhere near accurate, you'll know that already. It's just a statement of fact. He doesn't trust easily and you should know that."

"I'm not asking anyone to trust me," I snapped back.

"But I'm asking you to give us the chance to trust you. You know too much to end up on the wrong side. I don't like the idea of you spilling our secrets to our enemies, nor do I like the idea of them chewing you up and spitting you out."

"I don't need your.." I began.

"I'm jumping the gun a bit here, but I think you're vulnerable. Your Watcher died in some horrible way, I dread to think what happened in your childhood. You need a cause, something to believe in. You need a reason to be. People like that walk a fine line between darkness and light, until something shoves them one way or the other. This Gotham could eat you alive. There's enough tragedy out there, there's no need to become part of it."

I didn't know whether to buy it or not. She could've been for real, or just be talking the talk to win me over, keep my mouth shut. Fuck, I was torn. A cry of rage built up in my throat and I was ready to bolt. Then I saw it in her eyes. She cared. It wasn't just a speech, she meant it. And I didn't know how to deal with that. There's so much of my Watcher about her, I'm surprised I didn't see it before. And that was the clincher. I'm gonna make sure she survives this, all of this shit that's going down here, that she makes it through No Man's Land. It will be a step in the right direction towards making amends for the death of my Watcher.

Christ, I was so scared by that, and I still am. I let myself get close to my Watcher, and then let her die. Is it a good idea to let myself bond to someone again, knowing that if I fuck up this time it'll break me for good? It's hard to know how I can make a bigger fuck up of it than I did of fleeing Kakistos.

I found myself crying. I've got no memory of moving, or of the first choking sob, but that's how I ended up, leaning against the side of her wheelchair sobbing. "This is my last chance," I whimpered. "My last fucking chance."

She just ruffled my hair. I've no idea how I did it, but I made a friend today. Things don't seem quite so bleak now.

And then something tells me that's not gonna last.