Just outside the light of the UC Sunnydale campus, it is almost perfectly dark. The faint glow of my cigarette dances in the blackness, trying to break through the night. I sit back on the hood of my car and watch the silhouettes in the brightness of the few still light windows, breathing in the stillness of the world around me. The warmth of the day is still in the air, tantalisingly close and full of nostalgia for something I've never experienced. I am tired, not from slaying, not because it's late, but because of something deeper than that. Exhaustion that comes from within, my heart, my soul. I'm tired of fighting. As I sit, a sense of calm washes over me.

And I feel ready.

I wander the campus until, like a magnet, I run into Faith. I knew she was out here. Gotta love that slayer connection.

"Hey." I smile.

Faith grins at me. "I thought I might see you here."

"Slow night?" I ask, sitting down next to her.

She nods. "The undead are like, totally dead tonight. Couldn't sleep?"

I smile. "I was going a little nuts. Are you still up for the party at Riley's dorm tomorrow?"

Faith grins. "You know me, B. Always up for it. Speaking of which, want to Bronze it? Pick up a couple of studs? Use `em, discard `em. It's always fun."

I laugh. "Sure. But not the stud part. Riley, remember?" I remind her as we get into her car.

Faith grins and revs the engine. "You could do better, y'know." She winks.

I choose not to reply.

The Bronze is the Bronze as usual. B grabs a table and I get the drinks, trying not to think of where I would like this to go.

She smiles that cute half smile as I sit down. "That guy is checking you out." She says.

I don't bother to look. "Whatever." I say. B looks surprised. "He's not my type." I say as an excuse.

B laughs. "Why? He has a pulse. Oh wait, that's not a requirement with you is it?"

"Miaow." I laugh. "Anyway, you can talk. So what's the what?" I ask. "How goes it with that excuse for a guy you're with?"

B frowns. "RILEY is fine. It's all fine."

But she's not looking at me. I nod. "Right B."

I jump as B's head hits the table. "Not fine!" She whines. "I'm so bored!"

I can't help laughing. "I'm not surprised." She looks at me with big eyes. "What?!" I say. "You want advice?"

B nods.

"Dump him." I say.

"It's not that simple." She sighs. "It'd break his heart."

"B, it's not fair to him if you're not in it." I say as she downs her drink. "That's the risk you take when you open yourself up to someone. You know it's the deal that you night get hurt."

"Is that why you don't do it?" She asks.

"Never found someone worth it." I say. Now I'm the one looking at the floor. How can you give yourself to somebody when you don't like who you are?

"There must be someone." She insists. "God, do I have to tie you up to get you to talk?"

I grin and drop my voice to a growl. "If you had me tied up, don't you think there'd be better things I could do with my mouth?"

That's Faith all right. Don't answer the question, make me nervous instead. She's staring at me, an mischievous grin on her face. If there's one thing she can do, it's hold a stare.

I, on the other hand, am not sure where to look. "Don'cha ever think about it B?" She's growling at me. "Skin on skin, hot tongues, I bet I could do better than farm boy. Had a lot of practise at the old uuuuuhhhhhhhh...."

"Again with the grunting." I say, "You realise I'm not comfortable with this?" I try to make a joke, not sure if the conversation already is one as I catch her eye and she laughs.

"Wanna dance?"

We dance. And although there are guys all around us, I make damn sure we're dancing together. Everything is blurred, and it's just me, B, and the music.

We're close, moving in sync, hands clasped together, hips touching, breathing into each other's mouths. I'm hot. By the look on B's face, I think she's feeling pretty hot herself.

In spite of my better judgment, I kiss her.

And she kisses me.

And then she runs away.

Literally.

OH GOD!!!!

What did I just do?!

I'm out on the street before I know it. Thoughts spin through my mind, maybe that was one of Faith's power trips because she isn't following. Maybe it was a heat of the moment thing. Or....maybe all the jokes she made weren't jokes at all.

Oh God. Faith!

Riley!

He sees me before I see him. "Are you OK?" He asks, concerned as always.

I nod. "Yeah, a bit, uh, hot in there."

He smiles and kisses me. As we break off, I see Faith.

She shakes her head and walks back inside as Riley waves. "What's with her?" He asks.

I shake my head. "Let's just go, OK?" I really can't deal with this right now.

I attempt to get drunk, but it's kind of difficult what with the whole slayer metabolism thing. Then I try to pick up a guy, but my heart really isn't in it.

In the end, I just go back to my motel.

I think maybe I've really blown it this time. It's gonna be weird, or worse, she'll think I was playing with her. But I wasn't. This has been going on for months. Everything I say to her has a double meaning. Maybe she'll realise that now.

And what about farm boy? OK, she said they were going through bad stuff, but I might have thrown them back together.

Oh God.

Don't let people in. They just hurt you.

Riley finally gives up asking me what's wrong and falls asleep. How can I tell him when I don't even know myself?

Faith keeps creeping into my mind. I know she's thought about it, however much I tried to ignore the comments she makes, it's obvious. But I like guys. Sure, it felt good for the second we kissed....

Oh God, I kissed another girl!

And not just any girl.

Faith.

I have no idea what it meant to her. To me? She's always been more than a friend, there was always too much passion for that, but this? It felt good, and I do love her. Very deeply. She's part of who I am and we already share something no one else can. That can be explained by the slayer thing.

But there's always been something else.

Passion. Electricity. How I can't help but smile when she's around. And after everything we've gone through, we still have that bond, that thing that always brings us together.

When I finally fall asleep, I dream about her.

And when I wake up, I swear I can feel her holding my hand.

I had second thoughts about this party thing tonight, but in the end I decide that the longer I leave seeing her, the weirder it's gonna get. So I put on my hottest outfit and most confident expression and walk to farm boy's place.

When I arrive, B is already there, with the guy's arm around her. Still a couple. Momentary disappointment washes over me, but I shake myself. What was I expecting?

B waves and I walk over trying to look as normal as I can.

"Hi." She says quietly.

"Hey B." I say, looking round the party like I couldn't give a damn.

"Are you OK?" She asks, with a nod of concern from Riley.

"Five by five. Hey," I say, looking her straight in the eye. "I'll catch you later, I'm gonna see how this place is for hotties."

I can feel B's eyes on me as I walk away. She's pissed at me, but I can't watch her with him, pretending like nothing happened. No way could I stop picking a fight if I stayed.

Faith spends most of the night avoiding me and flirting with everyone in my eye line. Eventually, I pry myself from Riley's grasp and drag her into a bedroom, closing the door.

"What?" She hisses.

"I need to talk to you." I say.

"So talk." She's going to make this as hard as possible, I see. Funnily, that gives me hope, at least I now know it meant something to her.

"Last night....it meant a lot to me."

"Look B, save it for Hallmark. There's a party to be had." She gets up and I push her back down.

She snarls. "Like I couldn't get past you if I didn't want to."

"Then I guess you don't want to." I snap back. Our eyes meet, and suddenly, the absurdity of this fight makes us both smile.

"OK, B." She sighs. "I'm listening."

I sit down next to her. "I never did that before."

"I didn't mean to freak you out B. It's OK, you're into guys. Can we just let it go with that?"

Her deep brown eyes are staring into mine. So much emotion is kept there, always fighting to be let out.

"I don't know." I say.

She raises her eyebrows slightly.

"It brought up all these questions." I continue. "I always felt something between us. I thought it was slayer stuff, but now, I don't know. I think it's more than that."

I'm feeling dizzy, just being so close to her. I can hear her breathing, feel her breath on my cheek, and suddenly she's kissing me again, pushing me down on the bed. And God, it feels good.

After a few minutes, I make myself stop the kiss. She looks up at me, confused.

"B, you have to work this out, talk to farm boy, make some decisions."

She nods. "What do you want?"

I sigh and get up. "Do what you want. What do you want from me? Guarantees? Ain't gonna happen B." I open the door. "I'm going home. I'll talk to you later."

The bad news is, she's still pissed at me. The good news is, I know what I want.

Riley once asked me if I was ever going to break his heart, to do it quickly. I did that all right. He didn't even see it coming.

It must seem to him that I just woke up this morning and decided it was over, but as soon as I tell him, as soon as I admit that I want Faith, I realise that this has always been between us. Even when we were "enemies" or when I was with Angel, it's always been in my mind. And it scared me. She scared me. But thinking of her now, how close we were, her lips on mine, well....

I'm not afraid anymore.

I'm kind of surprised to see B at my door. Whatever choice she made, she did it fast. A second or two passes before she says anything, and I realise I'm holding my breath.

"I broke up with Riley." She says as she walks in.

"Oh." I say, trying not to jump up and down. "Are you OK?"

She nods. "But that's not why I came here."

"Oh." I say again, trying not to sink to the floor. I look at her inquiringly.

"I love you, Faith." She whispers. "I don't know what that means to you, but there it is. I had to tell you."

For a second I don't say anything, as always looking for a reason not to trust her. But then I see the hope in her eyes and I smile.

"I think-, I mean- ," I falter slightly. I take her in my arms and I relax automatically. "I love you."

Kissing her again, I realise everything that has happened no longer matters. There is only this moment.

We make love, and it feels right, like this was meant to happen a long time ago.

I'm lying in her arms and falling asleep, feeling happier than I ever remember. She kisses me gently.

"I love you B." She whispers.

I smile. "That makes us even." I say, and kiss her again.