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Prologue:
Starting Over
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September 28,1996

Journals are for people who don't have anything better to do than write about themselves and what they've done. Journals are pretty pathetic if ya ask me. They're for people who don't know how to deal. Journals are not my thing. It's not like I wanna be writing in this stupid thing. I got better things to do. But Doc, here, is freaking making me. It's part for my 'after care program'. What-the fuck-ever. But Doc's ok, that's why I'm doing it, it's the least I could do, she's been good to me. Don't know why. Never had many people that cared.

Doc tells me that it's better for me to write about my feelings than just holdin' it all in. She's says it would be best if I just get it all out in a way that doesn't include beating the crap outta everyone I meet. But she doesn't get me, hell I don't get me. All I know is: Shit happens. I deal. I move on. Lingering on emotions just make people weak. It messes with their heads and they can't think straight anymore. Like my mom.

I mean before Dad died everything was all five by five. We were a family. Typical, happy all-american family. I was nine when we found out Dad had cancer. He died four mouths after he was diagnosed. Everything went fucking down hill from there. Mom couldn't keep up with the bills, so we had to sell the house and in exchange we got a trailer. Fucking first class, right? Even then, bills were piling up. Then mom met the bastard, Frankie.

Frankie had plenty of money, of course he sold drugs to get it. The bastard seemed everything than fucking human. When he wasn't high or drunk....well, I wouldn't know, on the count of he was always high or drunk.

As soon as the bastard moved in he started ordering me around like a was his own personal maid. And when I didn't do something right or do it fast enough, I became his own personal punching bag. Mom always tried to stop him, but he beat her too. I got used to it. By the time I was eleven, the bruises and cuts were like a second skin. Mom only stayed with him 'cause bills got paid, he kept a roof over our head and food on the table. But I would've gladly starved to death in the pouring rain, then go through everything he put me through.

There's one day that I've never talked about, and I never will.

I just turned twelve, and Frankie had his guys over, drinking, smoking, and playing poker or something. Just like every other week. I, of course, acted as there personal slave bringing them beer and whatever. Frankie lost at his hand, but he didn't have the cash or the dope to back it up. So he offered me and my mom.

There were 5 of them. The first guy raped mom right there. Right in front of me. I would've killed myself right then and there, if the fat guy was holding onto me. They all got they're turn with her. Then they did me. God, I don't care how goddamn drunk off they're ass they were, this was beyond wrong. The bastard just sat in the corner the whole time drinking himself dead. After they were done with me, they left. Mom cried the whole time. I didn't make a sound, I wouldn't give those assholes the satisfaction. When Frankie finally got his drunk ass up, he saw mom crying so he hit her and told her to shut up. When she didn't, he got hold of her throat and started strangling her. I ran into the bedroom and grabbed Frankie's pistol. Without thinking twice a shoot the bastard in the back of the head. But like always, it wasn't good enough, mom was already dead. I fucking hate myself for that. For not being able to save her when she needed me.

I got put into foster homes after that. I've never stayed in the same place for too long. I say two months was the longest I've after stayed anywhere, and that was in juvinile. Now I'm 15, and I've been going to counseling for a couple months. That's where Doc comes in. Honestly the counseling ain't doing shit for me, but the doc's nice, she listens to me, so I keep coming back.

But today was my last visit.

See, it turns out when I think all I got in the world is myself, I got an aunt, Mom's sis. Her name is Jennifer Calendar. I got a pic of her, looks like mom but younger. She lives in California. A town called Sunnydale or something like that. Sounds corny as hell, but that's the place I'm gonna be going to when I say goodbye to Boston. I don't know why she's been looking for me, but she has. I don't know what's going to happen when I get there. Maybe things well start getting better for me or maybe life will just decide to knock me right back on my ass like always. I think it's worth a shot though, after all what the hell do I got to lose?

Faith

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September 28, 1996

Dear Diary,

This will be my last entry, since this book is filled with all the happy times of my childhood, I don't want to mess it up with all the not-so-happy times coming my way.

The divorce was messy, as I expected. Mom pretty much got everything, including me. Though, Dad really didn't seem to mind that part of the deal. I guess I'll be lucky if I ever see Dad again.

To make matters even worse, Mom sold the house and we're moving. And does she even think to ask me? NO! Of course not! I'm feeling sooo offended.

Why does my mother seem set on destroying the o-so-beautiful life that I've established for myself? I'm one of if not the most popular girl in school, I've got the most fashionable friends, the smartest nerds to do my homework, and the most gorgeous guys that would give their right arm to go out with me. All of that is going down the drain, just because some old guy died and left Mom a store. Tragic isn't it?

Oh, but it gets better! The town we're moving to is called Sunnydale!!! I mean eeww! That is so sitcom-from-the-40s-ish. Now I get to tell people, "Hey! I'm Buffy Summers, I live in Sunnydale."

I hope Mom knows that this only means that she'll be receiving huge bills from the shrink I'll be needing.....I really feel like hurting something severely right now.

Well, at the age of 16, my life is officially over, because hey, I've just lost everything.

Traumatized for Life,
Buffy

**********

The dark girl stood alone in the cold, merciless streets of Boston. The rain pounding down on her, while she waited for her bus. No one else in their right mind would be out this time of night in this part of Boston, where the pimps were kings, and the druggies were business men.

But Faith really couldn't help the situation much. That should show how much her foster parents of this month cared for her. They just dumped her off, no cash, and no goodbye. Not that Faith would want it any other way.

'Assholes.' Faith thought as she hugged her old denim jacket closer to her.

Luckily Faith wouldn't be dealing with those people ever again, and hopefully she wouldn't be dealing with any other state or foster homes.

'Now all I gotta do is figure out a way not to fuck this up.'

Could it all really be that simple?

***********

"Mom," the blonde teenager whined. "Can we please reconsider this whole moving thing?!"

Joyce Summers closed her trunk, completing the task of loading up their belongs. "Buffy," Joyce sighed. "I know that you're not exactly thrilled about us moving...."

"And the 'Understatement of the Year Award' goes to...." Buffy mumbled, as she dodged one of the clumsy moving men.

Joyce continued, "...but I've already bought the house, and my art was already moved to that old store I inherited."

"So what's your point?" the younger Summers challenged.

"My point is, that I'm going, but I'm not going without you, so you're just going to have to come with me."

"But Mom...." Buffy pouted.

"Buffy..." Joyce's voice ws set in typical scolding mode.

Buffy threw her hands up in the air. "Ok, fine......just fine! Ruin your daughter's life! Take away my friends and the place were I grew up, do whatever you want!" the obivously ticked off blonde paused, then added. "Just don't expect me to be happy about it!"

With her rant over Buffy turned on her heel and stomped to the car. She got in a slammed the door as hard as she could, which really wasn't very hard at all.

Joyce sighed. Her daughter has been having a lot of pointless tantrums lately. Joyce just figured that it was a phase and Buffy would eventually grow out of it.

Yeah....right.

**********

Faith was still waiting, it was still raining, and that creepy looking guy across the street was still staring.

The dark-hair girl's mind started to wonder back to the life she loved, when everything was simple, and how fast everything that mattered was taken away. Before Faith knew it, tears streaked down her face, mixing with the polluted rain water. Faith silently cursed herself for crying, because that would mean that she was weak. A long time ago Faith decided the she wasn't weak and nothing would ever break her again. Now she vowed not to feel anymore, because it just hurt too much.

Her train of thought was interrupted by some scuffling in the back alley.

'If that damn bus doesn't get here soon, I'm gone.'

Patience might be a virtue, but it wasn't one that Faith possessed.

Fortunately the bus headed straight for California just arrived, Faith gave the obviously over caffeinated driver her ticket and headed toward the back of the bus. She noticed there was no one else on the bus.

'Good, don't need anyone anyway.' That's what Faith was telling herself, that's what she always told everyone. She had herself and that was enough. And even though that's what her life was built around, Faith couldn't help but feel a little lonely right then.

Because doesn't everyone need someone?

**********

Their trip seemed to drag on for hours on hours. Not because it was a long drive but because of the deafening silence in which the drove took place.

Joyce looked over at her daughter, who seemed to be purposely staring out the window for the pass hour, and sighed. "You know, Buffy, you should really look on the bright side of things."

Now it was Buffy's turn to sigh, "There is no bright side, Mom. It's all a big bunch of dark, ugly nothing-ness."

"Oh I don't know about that, you'll get a new school, a lot of new friends, a chance to start over."

"No, Mom, I DON'T want to start over. I DID have a lot of friends, I WAS happy. Just because YOU want a chance to start over, doesn't automatically mean that I do. Open your eyes, Mom, what about me? What about Buffy? Does Buffy have a say in anything that happens in her life? No, because Buffy has her mother to do all the thinking for her."

Joyce didn't say anything back. The pained look in her eyes said it all. Buffy saw this and cursed herself for being such a bitch. She inwardly groaned, and sat back in her seat, trying to remain quite for the rest of the trip.

**********

Two pit stops and a bus change later, Faith was half way to her destination. When she boarded the second bus, Faith automatically went to the very back and continued what she had been doing on the pervious bus. She stared out the window and zoned, trying to escape the rest of the world, leaving her to her own thoughts.

Faith was no longer alone in the bus, but was to distracted to notice the attractive young Jamaican teen that boarded the bus with her. So when the anonymous girl approached her, Faith was a bit if not a lot startled.

"Hey, is anyone sittin' here?" the girl asked in a heavily accented drawl.

"Yeah, me." Faith said as she was still recovering from her interrupted daze.

"I see." And with that the girl sat down right next to Faith, which rewarded her a look from Faith that was bordering homicidal.

"Hey! I didn't say you could sit here, this is my seat!"

"Nah, man. I paid for whichever seat I choose to sit on."

Faith was getting even more irritated. "Yeah, well in case you didn't know, it IS ok for for you people to sit in the front of the bus now." The this time, Faith was practically growling.

"And when did your people decide to upgrade from trailer parks, to buses?" The girl asked smoothly, not being intimidated by Faith at all.

Faith sighed, realizing she was too drained to argue. "Fine you can sit here, just don't say anything."

"It makes me so happy that you have graced me with your approval," the girl replied.

"Alright, already! I'm not in the mood to fight so just shut up." Faith said, staring her down. She than smirked. She couldn't help but like a girl who's got balls. Then Faith did something strange, she held out her hand and said, "the name's Faith, by the way."

The other girl wore a smirk that matched Faith's, and accept Faith's hand with her own.

"Kendra."